depress...
I dunno what to say..
i dunno what to do...
i dunno what i want...
i dunno...
i am scared...paranoid...depress...i feel useless...i am incapable...
i am scared that i might break down in front of them...screaming tt i did my best...i really do..what else do they want from me? are they happy tt they are making my life miserable? i feel humiliated....i feel tt everything i do is wrong...i feel tt they are enjoying the process of making me feel like a fool...
i am so helpless..i can't take it any longer..
i just wan to stop all these nonsense..SHIT YOU, DAMN YOU, GO TO HELL!~
growing up...
we are being forced o grow up..yeah tt's so rite..
we are forced to be an individual and start taking responsibilities..we can no longer hide behind our lecturers, classmates, grp members' backs..tt's what internship truely means..
how come i have this feeling tt internship has made me realised how capable or useless we are...indeed, the courses we learnt in sch can help us at work but they also have negative effects- like not being flexible, everything muz have format...it really makes us feel like BOOKWORMS, TEXTBOOKS based people...everything is very very very extremely different..
i really wonder how my other classmates feel? It is forcing me to grow up-in a very cruel way...
can't blame them ya, as this is the real working world...
sometimes being hard-working, having good conduct is just not enough...
It is truely the quality, not quantity, isn't tt sad?
wondering...
i have seen people who fall away from the Lord so many times..they have great faith, but suddenly just disappear away from the Lord. They know that it's wrong but they just continue to enjoy the feeling of despair.
Y is it that humans are so fickle-minded? i simply dun understand...wat i want may not be wat i will get, how i feel may not be wat i should feel...
We are here to learn abt God's ways, but y sometimes i realli feel like i am not learning anything..
Am i realli following His ways and purpose? or am i following my own wish? how to know whether it is my own laziness n thinking of doing things?
I sin. i bitch, nag, grumble and curse...the saddest thing is, i dun realli care whether it's rite or wrong.. i do wat i desire n wat makes me happy...
in the end, it's just me, me n I...
